Dealing with feeling like a burden to family and friends during crisis

[Kassem Banawer]

no I’m not really, during my crises I got much support from my family and friends even they serve me more when they know that I’m under crises

[Tito Oye]

This is a great question!

Please remember that you are not, and never will be a burden!

I am sure if those close to you were unwell, you’d do anything and everything to help them, and I am sure that those actions would be reciprocated.

When you are in pain, and help from someone else will help you, please ask them. Always do what you can to improve your situation, and that includes asking for help.

[Oluwatomi]

My family used to make me feel stupid and crazy and like a burden during crisis and severe pain episodes, so I guess that impacted how I feel now when having any level of SC pain around friends and family. It’s always suffocating to be in a lot of pain when surrounded by people but feeling like I can’t tell anyone or ask for help, and in instances where I can’t control my reaction to the pain anymore, I feel like the most despicable person on the world for showing that I can’t hold it together and making people worry about me. Like I feel like I’m still not allowed to let people see that I’m weak or sick or whatever. It honestly feels incredibly isolating.

[Oluwatomi]

<p style=”text-align: left;”>I’m sorry for getting heated 😂 it was just a little confusing and frustrating to think about. I’m happy to have some people in my life who genuinely want to help me in anyway they can. I just need to start reaching out to people more!</p>

[Michael Quadri]

Hi Oluwatomi, I am sorry that you feel like this.

I can say first hand being a carer with someone with Sickle Cell that it is not always easy for people to understand what you are experiencing and sometimes even difficult for them to support due to lack of knowledge on what to do to help.

It is very difficult to see the people you love suffering and in pain due to a crisis, it is honestly one of the worst feelings in the world especially when you know there is very little you can do to help.

You are not a burden or anything of the sort!!

I will always recommend speaking to the people within your life that are supportive and genuinely want to help. If you still feel alone and by yourself, I encourage you to please reach out to me or Tito.

We are here to support you and will be happy to have a discussion with you in regards to this.

[Oluwatomi]

Thank you so much for your response. That’s really encouraging to hear. I never really thought about how difficult it must be to take care of someone struggling w/ sickle cell, and I imagine at points my family must have felt the same, powerless to help me when I’m experiencing crisis or am in severe and continuous pain that I can’t keep quiet about. Thank you for informing me. I’ve found that I can’t get my words out to the people who care about me when I’m really struggling, which I assume is some sort of mental repercussion, but I know how to get myself help from people privately if I really need it. I sincerely appreciate your and Tito’s support on the forum!

[Michael Quadri]

Hi Oluwatomi,
It makes me very happy knowing that you have found the forum so useful. It has been a pleasure speaking to you and I have learnt so much from your experience. I do hope you continue to find the forum and community helpful. Please reach out privately or publicly whenever you need anything 😄

[Basheera Foggie]

I deal with feeling like a burden to family and friends by remembering the family and friends that have told me I wasn’t a burden and have treated me like I’m not. This helps me to push away these feelings a little better. I always feel like a burden. However, rebuking these thoughts through truth really helps me to text or call them when I need and want to share my life with them and ask for help and support.

I reassure myself that it’s ok to talk to them by saying aloud that she, he, or they “said that I wasn’t a burden to them,” and I ask myself, “have they ever treated you like you were a burden”? “Okay then”! Having these true and positive thoughts spoken aloud from my mouth separates them from the lies and negative thoughts in my mind so that they can’t attack and overpower them.

I reserve family and friends that have treated me like a burden and have told me I’m a burden (sometimes using synonyms of ‘burden’) for emergencies or when they can understand or relate to SCD more than others. Most importantly, I pray and praise Jesus while also reminding myself that I’ll never be a burden to Him and that he’ll never leave me. Many people have left my life, but He never will.

[Tito Oye]

I love what you wrote @basheerafoggie, it is something that a lot of people can relate to!

Overcoming these thoughts often feels like an internal battle. I also find that speaking aloud helps.

I am so happy that you have supportive family and friends around you, their love and acceptance makes all the difference!

[Basheera Foggie]

I deal with feeling like a burden to family and friends by remembering the family and friends that have told me I wasn’t a burden and have treated me like I’m not. This helps me to push away these feelings a little better. I always feel like a burden. However, rebuking these thoughts through truth really helps me to text or call them when I need and want to share my life with them and ask for help and support.

I reassure myself that it’s ok to talk to them by saying aloud that she, he, or they “said that I wasn’t a burden to them,” and I ask myself, “have they ever treated you like you were a burden”? “Okay then”! Having these true and positive thoughts spoken aloud from my mouth separates them from the lies and negative thoughts in my mind so that they can’t attack and overpower them.

I reserve family and friends that have treated me like a burden and have told me I’m a burden (sometimes using synonyms of ‘burden’) for emergencies or when they can understand or relate to SCD more than others. Most importantly, I pray and praise Jesus while also reminding myself that I’ll never be a burden to Him and that he’ll never leave me. Many people have left my life, but He never will.