Thoughts on my recovery 30 days after a sickle cell pain crisis

Part of my coping mechanism after a sickle cell crisis is to forget it ever happened. To address that, this year I started an audio journal during the recovery process as a way to self-assess where I was and note how recovery tracks for me days after a crisis.

I started three days after my sickle cell crisis, and here’s my record of one month afterward, with light editing:

At the time of recording this entry, it’s been one month since I was last in the hospital. Looking back, I can see that the crisis I went through a month ago was likely the result of accumulated fatigue and exhaustion I never fully allowed myself to recover from.

I’d been constantly on the go, showing up for everything, always doing, continually moving. Even when I felt tired, I didn’t take the time to rest properly or sleep deeply. I pushed past the signs that my body needed a break. In the end, my body pushed back harder.

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I now find myself dealing not only with the physical aftermath but also with mental and emotional trauma, almost like post-traumatic stress disorder. Any minor ache or twinge instantly makes me anxious. It prevents me from going to the gym, exercising, or being active at all.

This fear is hard to shake. Before the crisis, I could push through discomfort, complete a workout, and feel proud of myself. But now, even the idea of going through with things scares me. I’m afraid of triggering another crisis, afraid of feeling that unbearable pain again.

So part of this recovery isn’t physical; it’s deeply mental. I’m learning to trust my body again. I know I need to start small, slowly ease back into movement, and build from there. I can already feel the effects of inactivity: My body’s changing, and it’s uncomfortable.

But even knowing that, the fear still lingers. Every little sensation in my body gets overanalyzed. I want to feel 100% before I commit to anything, a cautiousness that’s hard to overcome. That’s where I’m at right now, trying to break through the mental block and return to some normalcy. I want to get back to working out, eating well, and feeling strong again. But this recovery isn’t linear.

The impact of what happened a month ago still lingers, and that in itself is a reminder of how long the healing process can be, even after the pain has gone and the medication has stopped. The echoes of the crisis are still with me. That may mean I need to give myself more grace.

The fact that I was walking again just a week after the crisis is already a huge win. I’ve been trying to push myself back into routines, but maybe I need more time — and that’s OK. I’ll get there.

What I need most right now is a little encouragement, a reminder that it’s OK to move slowly, that healing takes time, and that I’m not alone in this journey.

Note: Sickle Cell Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Sickle Cell Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to sickle cell disease.