Guest Voice: When love means staying by my sister’s hospital bedside
I cannot fight the crisis for her, but I can sit with her and hold her hand
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There is a particular kind of helplessness that comes from watching someone you love fight pain you cannot take away.
I have felt it sitting beside my younger sister in the hospital during a sickle cell crisis. I cannot make the pain disappear. I cannot take it from her body and carry it in mine. I cannot promise her that the next hour will be easier than the last. But I can stay.
And sometimes, staying becomes its own language of love.
When the crisis comes and the pain settles into different parts of her body, I instinctively place my hands there and begin to rub. Sometimes it is her back. Sometimes her legs. Sometimes another part of her body is crying out for relief. I rub gently, then firmly, almost as though my hands are a powerful nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug that can fight its way through the pain.
I know my hands are not medicine. I know rubbing cannot replace the pain medication, fluids, oxygen, or other treatment prescribed by her medical team. But as I sit there rubbing her aching body, something profound happens: She knows she is not alone.
And perhaps that is one of the most overlooked dimensions of living with sickle cell: the emotional weight of fighting a battle that can repeatedly return.
My sister does not need me to pretend that everything is fine. She needs me to be there when everything hurts.
‘You are not alone’
Sometimes I talk to her. Sometimes I distract her. Sometimes we laugh, even in the middle of an uncomfortable hospital room. And sometimes, there is nothing to say. I simply sit beside her, keep my hands moving, and remind her through my presence: “I am here. We will get through this.”
Bamisaiye Eniola Mayowa, right, stands next to her sister, Sickle Cell Disease News columnist Oluwatosin Adesoye, as they celebrate a birthday. (Courtesy of Bamisaiye Eniola Mayowa)
There is power in physical presence. There is power in emotional presence. There is power in having someone who refuses to let you feel abandoned in your most vulnerable moments.
For the person experiencing a sickle cell crisis, pain can consume attention, energy, and hope. A familiar face can become an anchor. A sibling’s voice can be a source of reassurance. A hand held through the night can become a reminder that life exists beyond the pain.
This is why family support matters.
We must never underestimate the impact that encouragement, companionship, advocacy, and genuine presence can have on someone living with sickle cell. They do not replace proper medical care, but they can help a person endure the difficult moments while receiving it.
As her older sibling, I may not be able to fight the crisis for her. But I can fight with her. I can sit beside her. I can hold her hand. I can rub the places that hurt. I can remind her that there is a tomorrow worth reaching.
Because sometimes, when pain is telling someone to give up, love quietly whispers: “Stay. Keep fighting. You are not alone.” And sometimes, that reminder is everything.
To submit your own Guest Voice for publication on Sickle Cell Disease News, please email your idea to our community editorial manager at [email protected] with the following included in the subject line: “Guest Voice: Sickle Cell Disease News.”
Note: Sickle Cell Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Sickle Cell Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues about sickle cell disease.
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