Learning to keep moving forward, even when I lack motivation

Recently, I’ve been struggling with a departure from my normal routine. I’ve written about how exercise and good nutrition have helped me manage my sickle cell disease, but I’ve been traveling a lot and have found myself thrown off balance in ways I didn’t anticipate.

At first, I blamed it on the time difference. I was adjusting to a new time zone, a new environment, and all the physical effects of travel. With sickle cell, fatigue can sneak up on me, and I’ve learned to give myself some grace as my body adjusts. But after a few weeks, jet lag is no longer the issue. I’m struggling more with being out of sync.

When I’m tired, cooking and eating well become harder. Instead of preparing meals that give me the energy I need, I order takeout. Then, because I’m tired and haven’t been eating as well, I don’t feel like going to the gym. And because I’m not exercising, I start to feel even more sluggish. Then come the excuses. I’ll tell myself, “I’m already tired. If I push myself now, will it make things worse? Could this trigger a crisis?” There is a fine line between listening to my body and allowing myself to stay stuck.

Recommended Reading

March 14, 2022 Columns by Dunstan Nicol-Wilson

With Sickle Cell Disease, Exercise Is a Double-edged Sword

Changing how I think about motivation

Recently, while doing some work around the house, I spent time kneeling. When I stood up, I noticed a familiar ache in my knees. Thankfully, with rest, the pain largely disappeared by the following day. But the moment itself was a wake-up call.

Part of me immediately understood why my knees hurt; spending a long time kneeling has never been good for me. But another part of me thought, “I used to be able to do this.” That really stuck with me.

Since I started exercising consistently and strengthening my legs, my knees have felt better than they had in years. I was finally building up some resilience. Feeling that familiar ache reminded me that when I fall out of sync with exercise and nutrition, my body can start to regress. Things that once felt easy can become difficult again. And yet, this knowledge doesn’t automatically motivate me to change.

That’s probably the hardest part of this period. I know what helps me. I know that moving my body, eating well, staying hydrated, and staying consistent can make a difference. I know what can happen when I neglect those things. But when I’m exhausted, knowing what I should do and actually doing it are two completely different things.

And this tiredness isn’t necessarily about not getting enough sleep. I can get plenty of rest and still wake up feeling like my body has nothing left to give. So I’m trying to change the way I think about motivation.

I often fall into cycles where I’m doing really well. I’m going to the gym, eating better, and feeling stronger. I build momentum and establish a good routine. Then something happens — travel, a busy period, fatigue, life — and I fall out of it. Consistency is difficult to build when your health can force you to change plans.

Sometimes motivation doesn’t come first. Sometimes I have to take the first small step and hope that the motivation follows. I’m not pretending that I’ve figured this out. I’m still in the middle of this slump. I’m still tired. I’m still trying to listen to my body without letting that keep me from doing the things that help me feel better.

But maybe that’s the lesson for me right now.

There will be periods when I’m not at my best. There will be times when my routine falls apart and I don’t eat as well, don’t exercise as much, and don’t feel particularly motivated to change. Knowing the potential consequences doesn’t necessarily make those moments any easier. Sometimes I just have to acknowledge that I’m in a slump, then take one small step to get myself out of it.

I’m currently figuring out how to get back up.

Note: Sickle Cell Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Sickle Cell Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to sickle cell disease.